Day 27.
Yesterday I gave the "sin talk" at club.
It is tough to stand up in front of high schoolers and tell them we all have this vomit of the heart-a condition inside us all. It's called sin. I did my best. I prepared ahead of time and worked on what would be said. I had notes. I prayed. Yet when I stood up it was still extraordinarily difficult. I struggled to keep their attention, struggled to know my talk, struggled to be confident that God used me to communicate truth in kids' lives. I spoke for much longer than I should have. I felt attacked after the message. I felt like Elijah after defeating the prophets of Baal...wanting to put my head between my knees.
I communicated what felt like it was from God. I stood boldly. I felt the Spirit using me....I saw distracted eyes in the crowd...I heard some "liked"the talk. Can you really like a message that says your heart is blocked from God because of self inflicted wounds..because of something that entered the world and broke the heart of God? Because of Sin. They did.
Why am I upset? I am sinful..I am analyzing and I gave a bad model to our leaders. My talk was incredibly too long. I felt poured out. I felt like I wanted to hide. I felt like Satan himself was doing in them and in me all he could to distract and detract from God's love story. Maybe he did....but underneath that mess is the Holy truth and the greatest love story..the journey that I have been walking these 27 days preparing for the triumph of Christ..for the finest hour that enables me salvation and hope..for His sacrifice. For my fears and neglect to be cast into hell. Yours too.
Today..this a.m. I woke up with excruciating pain in my big toe. Gout.
No wonder. Distraction...deterrent from this sacred journey to the cross..nope. No way. What is it Lord that you have in store for me? Today I walk with a limp. I can't workout. I can't run. I can't walk without this reminder of pain.
Last night I showed pain in our lives by stabbing a grapefruit with knives left in it.....showing the things we use to fill our need create wounds in our hearts and shield us from God due to our sin condition....no wonder I am hurting today. I am living this one out.
Lord be with me this day. Thank you for your message to me in an email from my wife. Your word is in me....
Thanks be to God.
Blessings.
-ao
No comments:
Post a Comment